A spark

I feel the Israeli experience is evaporating from me now, when I am back. Although, baruch ha shem!, only for 5 weeks, the process of digestion has started, headache and dreams, everything tries to get ordered, happens inside, whereas on the outside I put on a mask, the only way I can avoid complete severance from the external world. At least a kind of semi consciousness of the environment is retained without falling into an abyss of nothing. I need to occupy my time with something, each minute, make myself go even if I don’t want to for the sole fact I don’t want to gives me a clue that it is the moment to force myself to DO ACT. And I had so many plans for this break, I knew from the start it was gonna end like that. Or maybe once I ‘achieve’ something, realize one of the points, I will feel I still can. That there is after all some spark of will in this indecisive body.