Spring

All this applies rather to the times from before a week or two or something in between, say 10 days. Outdated feelings.

Everyone seems to be lost. I don’t know if it is the weather, change of season, the age, atmosphere of student life or just the air spring solstice that spreads around along with this annoying illness that every second person seems to have now.

Everyone wants to go somewhere, move, not be closed and imprisoned here in the students’ village, the more time one spends here the more one sedentary one becomes, and the harder it becomes to break this . Or even just to want to. It is so safe, settled, everything is familiar and predictable. Student grannies. But this wind makes me restless. I know what I should do, but the concentration has been blown out of my mind. I want to do other things, but I can’t define what, I can even wash the dishes. I feel my mind is filled with winter dust and muddy stagnancy that just gets stuck into it the more limit myself to studying, in an attempt to convince myself that that is the most important part of my life.

And yet, I sit with facebook on, hoping that someone would chat to me, distract me, that something will miraculously happen, someone would visit me, bring me a gift of an idea what to do, how to be a murder once more and kill time in a more effective way.

And to be honest that is what usually happens and what has just happened. I will g to a theatre to see a play in French, a language of which I have no command. Zero. But why not, at least I will leave the murky cave of my room, be exposed to the environment. Another entry to the world of my friend... last time I took this passage, in one flying step from the table to the floor, I got physically wounded, though I can not deny there was an additional factor in it, called an influence of external alcohol materials. The visible rainbowish sign on my arm has faded but perhaps it was not a one-time instance. I am in his world, of lost imprecise undefined people, who look for extreme experiences to wake themselves up to the normal life.

I made it small so that you won't have to suffer too much looking at it. Indeed that is my, personal, arm. Or rather was. They amputated it. Ok, no it is back to normal now.