Flashes part 3!

Long awaited here they come.. another list of queer things about the UK. Before you accustom to this country, before the Britishness blinds you, try to notice how weird it all is...

- everyone around you is skinny, yet they warn you about obesity and you feel pressured to buy low fat products, especially if the 45 year old lady before you put 7 0%fat yoghurts on the conveyor belt as her lunch for the week

- everyone is anonymous discouraged from developing any relation with the environment. And you keep thinking how nice it was when the guys in Aroma mispronounced your name when calling you for your hafuh katan.

Sometimes it is annoying when they force this personal contact on you, how there are no mirrors in the changing room so that you need to parade in the shop to find a mirror and listen to other people’s opinions on how you look and be vulnerable to the salesperson getting you in their claws to convince you if how this piece of clothing suits you (better that rather than them telling you that you look fat, I think they would be ready for that too). If your social skills are good enough you may involve half of the staff and some customers into a discussion about the fashion or the preferable colour of the skirt.

Mind how there are often no priced on the items displayed in the shop and how each brand of cosmetics has their own sales person. They attack you the moment you slow down your walking pace to the “oh they have an offer for creams here” mode, for them “ she thinks about stopping.. she is mine”, forcing on you some contact, you are never left alone -to think, you need to discuss! That is the best way to reach a good decision, right? In some places it may be also called haggling.

Here, starting a conversation with someone would be not in place. Raising voice with shop staff, bus drivers – verbal abuse, touching someone in the bus – sexual abuse. Asking about religion/origin/salary anything – not politically correct. That is why small (and quiet) talk developed. They are just so cautious not to hurt anyone...everyone is made of straw...

-pub is a social place, whole families come there! It is not a mecca for dark magic and shady people smirking on you from above their pint of Guinness.

-the fact that you plugged something in does not mean it will work – TURN ON the socket

-no one will stop for you at the pedestrian crossing – there are LIGHTS - wait for the green or.. learn to maneuver and …run quickly

-people don’t honk because they saw you (if ever) – just to be seen themselves

- suddenly I see how valuable the pound is! A truly royal currency … the 99p stores are not as cheap as they would seem

- in the tube today – walked in total around 20 minutes to get to the platforms - on the way heard guitar pop, reggae on drums and some light blues – I think they all have lost their way to the British Idol in the underground labyrinths

- I smile to people – they smile back? – they are foreigners

- everyone is very sorry for the ‘possible inconveniences’ i.e. making your life unbearable by smelly and loud road works or miserable by cancelling tube lines during the weekends

- directions are everywhere and very soon you find yourself afraid when you don’t follow the arrow in the underground… what if…u got lost?

- there are animals here- foxes instead of cats take care of your trash bins, squeaking seagulls wake you up in the morning and squirrels hide their nuts behind the electricity box

- you can by everything in it’s baby version, as if to make people believe they eat less, after All these are just baby potatoes, baby spinach, baby carrots and cherry tomatoes

- last orders at 11.30!? But I have just arrived!

Re-adjusting

I haven't written for a long time. As if anyone read that. Anyway, I didn't have time inspiration, etc. And now I am back in the beloved Commonwealth which surprisingly became a source for various thoughts and impressions. They are a bit chaotic, but I will upload a couple of pieces about various things that surprise/amaze/annoy me backe here. Wish me luck in re-adjusting.

I am so thirsty here, in the humidity of the Island in its wetness and dampness I constantly drink. And not highly “percentented” drinks to kill the taste of fog in my mouth, but water. Even more than in the middle east I strive for it. Maybe water here is just less wet? Less watery? Perhaps in order to fight the outer moisture my body activated a preventive system and tries to dry itself from the inside. So far, I gather all of these liquids and cry them out in the evenings, eyes red and stinging from sprite.

The sun stopped being huffy and revealed it’s presence. I worshipped it by recharging my endorphin batteries in the patch of grass in the back of the house called garden. Sun here is like a celebrity, you never know when it will appear and for how long, if you don’t appreciate it enough it will not come back. And it doses its presence - comes rather seldom so that you will cheer for it when it finally arrives.

Directions. You are told what to do on every possible occasions. It’s big brother on a mini scale. Everything is regulated and explained how to be done properly. Take the bus (no you don’t need to I am not trying to direct you) – and you will see a whole poster explaining the ‘proper’ way of acting on this medium of transport. Don’t smoke, don’t talk loud, listen to music, eat, bring animals, disturb other passengers, talk to the driver, stand in the way, transport bikes. By talking loud to the driver you may ‘verbally abuse him’ and a ‘touch action will be taken against you’ so be careful. Soon they will tell you how to wave on the bus how to get in and out which leg goes first and which hand should you use to hold to the slider. At the same time, the ‘system’ is really sorry it make your life unbearable. I am just waiting for them to say it is for common good. The best way to drive all the Polish people away. I wonder why they haven’t figured it out yet.